The Inadvertently Correct award goes to KOIN (CBS) affiliate’s Dave Erickson for noticing that footage of a Guernsey with mad cow disease was not the correct graphic to accompany a story about Potland, that is Portland, Mayor Vera “Darth Vader” Katz. Erickson’s  award plaque, which is a bathroom tile bas relief of Walter Cronkite frowning at Rudy Giuliani for restricting the rights of muggers in Central Park, will have crossed silver oscilloscope probes. During the interview, Mayor Katz indicated that after five years in office she had discovered a new way to purchase city vehicle tire chains.  This new method is called “buying in bulk,” and involves getting more than one tire chain at a time when it snows. Since the city, including police cars, has more than four thousand vehicles, each of which has at least two wheels, this will save more than fifteen thousand trips to the store.

The Radio Logic award for 2003 goes to the unnamed local newscaster who pointed out that Oregon’s high unemployment rate was due to a lack of jobs.  Her name is being withheld in compliance with the recently enacted statute, ORS 1313, which makes it a felony to point out that a member of Oregon’s Mainstream Media has said something really stupid on the air.  Known as the “Economy Act,” this new law will provide time for reporting something other than mistakes and intentional bias by non-alternative media  reporters.

The Celebrity Dunce award must go to CBS Evening News Anchor Dan Rather for failing to notice that when former Vice (no pun intended) President, Al Gore gave a January speech about global warming he was standing in a record blizzard.

The Foxworthy Observational Award goes to KOIN reporter,Margie Lynch, who during a segment on the recent human slaughter in the Potland, that is Portland's, MLK Triangle failed to blame the Bush Administration for the deaths – which when taken as percapita violence, makes it statistically safer to be a member of the Oregon National Guard on patrol in the Sunni Triangle than a kid attending a dance within blocks of the residence of Potland, that is Portland’s, Chief of Police.

The Bumbling News Director Award goes to KOIN’s  entire news management staff for being unaware that fifty forensic analysts at the state crime investigation bureau is a lower number than the 1,500 state jobs which are fully funded but have nobody presently performng them.  Noticing this might cause the CBS affiliate's “to the point” award winning television coverage to question the dire predictions associated with the impending defeat of Measure 30.  As one wag put it, “Why lay off fifty crime investigators when you have 1,500 non-existent state employees receiving regular salaries, health coverage, paid national and personal holidays, maternity leave, in-service training, parking spaces and retirement packages?" 

Why, indeed?

(LL)

© 2004 Oregon Magazine